By Hank Pellissier

The second grader’s brain

“What happens if we’re late, Daddy? Will something bad happen? I don’t wanna’ be late!”

Second-graders have a propensity to worry. They can fret about nightmares, the dark, their clothes, their homework, or their stomach aches that might — in their agitated minds — be a lethal disease. They hate making mistakes, not finishing tasks, and especially losing. They have to be first, correct, punctual, best, and perfect. What’s wrong with these little nut-cases? Are they blooming neurotics? Hypochondriac loons?

No, they’re not. Morose sensitivity in this age group is actually proof that their brain is developing properly. Seven-year-olds can finally grasp concepts like space, direction, distance, and time. They now understand that the clock is ticking forward. Suddenly, schedules, routines, calendars, plans, predictability, rules, justice, and assignments become excruciatingly serious causes for concern.

Neurologically, what’s buzzing and building inside the second-grade brain? Jane Healy, author of Your Child’s Growing Mind, has defined them as “avid learning machines.” Marguerite Kelly, Washington Post family columnist, labeled second grade as “the age of reason” touched with a “patina of sadness.”

I enjoy blog hopping. Found this blog by Shawn Ledington Fink that had a post to which I could certainly relate.

A field guide to living an intentional, creative and fun life — with children.

Letting Go

Despite the fact that being a Type A personality is perhaps my worst and, possibly best, trait, I do believe that it’s best to power down the control button at various points each day.

Baby steps, people. We spend every waking minute making sure the kids are OK, that the house is OK, that the job is OK that we live on autopilot with our feet pressed to the pedals.

Here’s some baby steps to letting go:

LET THEM DO IT:  The milk WILL spill. The toothpaste lid will get lost. The bed will still be messy after it’s made. The outfits will NOT be perfect. The cheese will miss the pizza dough. The mail may fly down the street and you have to chase after it. But let them do it anyway. Again and again. Release your control on how things get done and just honor the fact that they WANT to help and do their part.

LOWER EXPECTATIONS: Sure you will get it right the first time. Your way is the best way. You like things the way you like them. But others can do it, too. And they should. They’ll never do it like you but as long as you relish that someone else is taking care of it and being responsible, you can sit back and relax. Eventually, you may even delegate it the first time.

BITE YOUR TONGUE: I have a way with letting people know if they mess up. I never mean things as harshly as they come out of my mouth. I’ve learned, though, that if you are willing to let someone else make breakfast, dinner or drive the car then you MUST be willing to let them do it their way. And their way will be OK.

OPT OUT: There will be things you will not get to do. Places you will not go. People you will not see. Projects that will not get done {not right now anyway}. All because you decided to let go, to opt out, to let your spouse handle it. There will be more adventures to do some day. There will be other fundraisers and school events. There will be other big causes to get behind. If you need to stay home and lay in bed all day and watch movies or read magazines, that’s what you need to do. If you must, recreate the missed experience another day.

BANISH GUILT: Seriously, release those obligations and demands that you place so heavily on your own shoulders. No one has put them there but you. And, if someone has put them there, take charge of your life and assess the things that matter most today. Send this post to them. What’s more important? Time with the kids or time spent folding piles and piles of perfectly folded laundry? Extra time at the office or getting home to see the kiddo play soccer?

ACCEPT FAILURES: If you let go and things fall out of place, it’s OK. If you let go and things don’t turn out the way you wanted them to, it’s OK. If you let go and life twists and turns in other directions, it’s OK. Be at peace with whatever comes because whatever it is is your life, it’s your story and it will be beautiful no matter what happens.